Community Etiquette

A quick guide to BDSM etiquette -Ms. Manners would approve of.

It can be overwhelming to be in a new social situation where the rules appear to completely have gone out the window. People are naked! people are hitting each other, people in cat suits are kissing puppy players!

Actually a lot of the usual social rules still apply. Just differently than you might expect.

Do:

• Read any event rules
• Thank your host/DMs
• Do clean up after yourself
• Introduce yourself and make small talk
• Do ask people questions if you’re unsure
• Behave appropriately outside the venue

Don’t

• Touch without asking
• Don’t talk loudly or stand nearby someone’s scene
• Don’t pry about peoples jobs or other personal information (they may not be ‘out’)
• Talk to people right after a scene or during aftercare
• If coming from a different subculture, assume the same rules apply here
• Don’t ask twice or argue with a no, consent should be enthusiastically given

Ask your DM/Host

• Ask a DM if there’s a waitlist for playspaces
• Ask the host if there are any rules if none are posted
• Where to find cleaning supplies, first aid  etc.
• Ask the DM if edge play is allowed if you plan to attempt them 

Some Commonly banned edge play:

• Breath play
• Blood play
• Messy play
• Scat/urine play
• CNC/rape play
• Take downs (aggressive wrestling etc)
• Sex

After the Event

• Message the host or organizer to thank them
• Message people you met with an introduction on Fetlife/IG etc
• Remember if you see people from the event in public pretend like you’ve never seen them before, they probably don’t want to be outted as kinky in public.

General saftey tips:

• Don’t meet people from the internet in a private place, meet publicly first.
• Don’t give out too much personal information ( last name, employer etc).