A quick guide to BDSM etiquette -Ms. Manners would approve of.
It can be overwhelming to be in a new social situation where the rules appear to completely have gone out the window. People are naked! people are hitting each other, and people in catsuits are kissing puppy players!
Actually, a lot of the usual social rules still apply. Just differently than you might expect.
Before you go let’s talk about saftey.
Safety tips:
- Tell a friend where you’re going and when you will check in with them (this is called a safe call)
- If this venue is in a private space (house party etc) make sure you’ve met at least one person who will be there in a public space first.
- Don’t give out too much personal information ( last name, employer, etc).
Do:
- Read any event rules
- Thank your host/DMs
- Do clean up after yourself
- Introduce yourself and make small talk
- Do ask people questions if you’re unsure
- Behave appropriately outside the venue (this includes making sure your outfit looks ‘vanilla’ while you’re outside the venue)
Don’t
- Touch without asking
- Take pictures or have your phone out without explicit consent
- Pry about people’s jobs or other personal information (they may not be ‘out’)
- Talk to people during a scene or during aftercare
- If coming from a different subculture, assume the same rules apply here
- Don’t ask twice or argue with a no, consent should be enthusiastically given
Ask your DM/Host
- Ask a DM if there’s a waitlist for playspaces
- Ask the host if there are any rules if none are posted
- Where to find cleaning supplies, first aid etc.
- Ask the DM if edge play is allowed if you plan to attempt them
Some Commonly banned edge play:
- Breath play
- Blood play
- Messy play
- Scat/urine play
- CNC/rape play
- Take downs (aggressive wrestling etc)
- Sex
After the Event
- Message the host or organizer to thank them
- Message people you met with an introduction on Fetlife/IG etc
- Remember if you see people from the event in public pretend like you’ve never seen them before, they probably don’t want to be outted as kinky in public.