Most people feel really overwhelmed the first time they go to their first Dungeon party
Guide to Event Types
Rules that Apply to all kink events
- Read the event or venue rules
Every event and venue is different be sure to read what their policies are and ask the host or a dungeon monitor if you’re not sure what’s allowed. - Ask before touching people or their things
Consent is mandatory and “No” is a complete sentence, be respectful of others’ boundaries. - Be friendly and polite
Just like in the real world, you’re going to make more friends if you’re friendly and respectful.
Some Tips:
- Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself or ask questions, most of us are friendly nerds.
- Remember there is no certification to be a kink teacher, event organizer, or venue, quality will vary and some are even dangerous.
- If money is an issue many events have scholarships or will allow you to go to events for a certain number of volunteer hours.
- Expect to need to go to a few events before you find anyone who wants to play with you.
- If you’re not sure what to wear black jeans and black tops never go out of style. Also, wear cute underwear, you can always strip down in a pinch.
- Don’t wear clothing that attracts attention outside of the kink space (for example don’t wear a full latex bodysuit to a munch). In the context of clothing “Vanilla” means something you can wear to Target without getting strange looks.
- Never “Out” or Dox other people in the kink community, some of us are teachers, parents, or just have shitty bosses. If you see someone from a kink space in a vanilla space just nod or act like you’ve never met them.
Event Types
Munch:
A Munch is a social event for kinky people, typically at a restaurant or bar. People go to meet other kinky people (not play) and ask questions, it’s a networking event.
What to Wear: Street clothes, no leather or collars etc you should appear vanilla.
Cost typically free or cost of drinks.
Tastings:
A tasting is typically a short scene or demonstration of a kind of kink play, for example, you might have an experienced top letting people from the audience try having wax dripped on them, giving them a little bit of information on how it’s done, safety and where to get started. The great thing about this kind of event is you can experience a wide variety of kinks, ask questions, and try things in a low-pressure environment.
cost varies ($15-$40)
Rope Jam:
A rope jam is typically a space where people go to practice rope and ask questions, it’s a peer learning environment (not a sexual environment). Expect to chat and practice rope.
What to Wear: wear close-fitting clothing (leggings, sports bra etc) and bring your own rope if you have it.
cost: low cost, donation, or free
Play party
A play party is where people do “scenes” Each venue is different in terms of what’s allowed but generally you might see things like impact play (floggings), rope suspension or bondage, sex, and other BDSM activities. This is similar to a dance in that you should dress up a little, bring your own partner, or have a few friends if you want to play.
- If you don’t like something you should either walk away or if you’re concerned about safety talk to a host or dungeon monitor.
- Ask before touching anyone or anything.
- Don’t talk to people who are playing. Approach after they are packing up their play bag if you want to chat.
- Stay at least 6 feet back from other people’s scenes whenever possible, there are many toys that will hit you on the backswing if you stand too close and many people who will hit you if you stand too close (creeper).
Generally, clubs ban the following:
- potential bio-hazards (Blood, Scat, Water sports),
- Fire Hazards: Fire play, wax, Electrical play using power from the wall.
- Gun or other weapon play
- Solo Masturbation
- Almost all clubs that allow sex ban alcohol and vice versa. This has to do with the laws governing nudity and liquor in the US. Some clubs ban both, some allow both, read your venue’s rules.
What to Wear: Dress to impress, leather, latex, button-down shirts, cocktail dresses, or lingerie are all good.
cost: varies, $20-$100
Classes
Classes are places to learn kink obviously. You should not try to play with people in a class environment unless it’s a “hands-on” class, however, you’re welcome to network and mingle.
What to Wear: vanilla or workout clothing if it’s a hands-on class.
Cost: varies, $20-$100
Kink Conventions
Kink conventions typically have several days of classes and play parties, depending on the venue you may be allowed to wear leather and fetish gear inside the venue.
Cost: $100-$500